I have tried everything to change my outlook on dating, but I still go into every first date with the same enthusiasm as I’d have for a root canal. To me, first dates aren’t exciting they’re just plain awkward and nerve-racking. The problem is I hate dating, at least the early stages. You can also bring someone you trust to therapy if you think you’ll have a hard time sticking to the truth.Dear Abby: I behaved badly, but he won't let me fix thingsĭEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old woman who very much wants to find someone to share my life and start a family with. If this applies to you, talking to a close friend or family member can give you some insight into what’s happening. Some people who lie compulsively believe their lies, which can make recognizing these lies somewhat difficult. If you started lying to cope with a difficult childhood, for example, working through what you experienced could help you feel less of a need to lie. They can help you learn more about the underlying reasons behind your lying and help you stop. frequent and persistent throughout your lifeĬompulsive behaviors are hard to stop on your own, and working with a therapist can make the process much easier.You might be dealing with compulsive lying if your lies are: Some experts believe it differs significantly from other types of lying, though it doesn’t have a specific diagnosis. Instead of justifying why a lie is necessary to protect someone’s feelings, put that energy toward finding a way to achieve that same goal by telling the truth.Ĭompulsive, or pathological, lying refers to a specific type of dishonesty. “When we start breaking trust within our own world,” she says, “that inauthenticity spiderwebs from there.” In some cases, white lies might even be encouraged as a common part of social interaction.Įgel believes “there’s always a way to express truth in a classy, well-intentioned, and respectable way.” She goes on to explain that while lying can damage your relationships with others, it can also damage the relationship you have with yourself. There’s a good chance when you were a kid, one of your parents said something like this: “Even if you don’t like your birthday present from Grandma, tell her it’s just what you wanted so you don’t hurt her feelings.”īryant’s 2008 study suggests most people generally accept white lies as harmless. “We lie because that’s what we were taught to do,” Egel says. Looking for more tips? Our guide to being more assertive can help.Īvoid trying to justify or validate dishonesty “Tonight doesn’t work for me, but I’d like to hang out.“I can’t take on more work this week because I need to focus on the tasks I already have.Start by giving complete answers, not ones that you think the other person wants to hear. But being more assertive about your needs can help you speak up about what’s best for you. It’s not always easy to say no, especially if you don’t want to hurt a friend’s feelings or face possible consequences at work. These lies might not seem like a big deal, but they can take a toll on you.
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You might feel more motivated to lie if you have a hard time creating boundaries in your personal or professional life. I can definitely help with that project.”ĭo any of those phrases sound familiar? Have you said them without an ounce of sincerity? Maybe they’re half true: You’d like to hang out but you aren’t feeling it right this minute. “I’d love to have you over for a few days.” Practice setting - and sticking to - your boundaries
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